I can't even believe that we aren't together anymore. This all seems to me to be a blur in life, a bad dream that I'll wake up from soon. I know that you won't ever read this, so I'm here to spill my inner most thoughts and fears and emotions. This depression is unlike anything that I've ever delt with before. It is racking my body of everything. I wish I could tell everyone how I felt.. how I feel all the time. I wish that this is something that would just go away over night and be okay in the morning. I hate myself. Every bit of myself. I am a worthless peice of crap. I know that I never really deserved you, and I feel like every min. that I had you was a blessing from God. I knew that you would leave me one day because everyone leaves me. Everyone leaves in life. I miss you so much Tyler. I love you so much! My heart is crying out from it's bitter depths and begging, with everything that I have left, for out love to be rekindled. I am willing to do anything to prove to you that this is real and that this is something that I want so bad. I know in my head that it is over, but my heart is refusing to give up.


So this is what I'm going to do. Everyday I am going to write you something. I know that you will never read this, but this will be a way of healing for me. I don't really want to heal, because healing means knowing that it's over.

I love you Tyler. More than you'll ever know.